The Ghost of Christmas Fail

photo credit: krisdecurtis

Like most modern-day grinches, my loathing of the holiday is a purely adult affair. It most likely started when I was seventeen and first forced to drive in holiday traffic (unarmed no less) and hasn’t really gone away sense. Though I like certain parts of the holiday, I could easily do without most of what it has become.

That being said though, looking at Christmas through a child’s eye is a truly magical thing. I was never big on Santa Claus but I was definitely very excited about seeing family, friends and, of course, the presents.

However, even as a child, Christmas didn’t always go as planned. Though our blunders and mistakes were significantly more comedy than tragedy, they still shatter the image of the “Perfect Christmas”. But in a strange way the memories of Christmas gone wrong are some of the best, not just because they are funny, but they were the some of the best shared experiences my family had.

So what are some of my favorite cases of Christmas fail? Well, here are a few… Read more

Pizza Hut: Coupon Fail

One of these days I’m going to sit down and hammer out all of the reasons that I prefer online ordering of pizza to ordering over the phone. Shockingly enough, it doesn’t come down to laziness (I actually get carryout anyway) but rather order accuracy, speed and paper trail.

That being said, until recently, Dominos is the only pizza place that has had a decent online ordering system. The problem with that being that my local Dominos sucks, being run by the reject cast members of a bad stoner comedy and managed by the evil father from the Twisted Sister music videos (YAY for obscure references), I would almost rather shove pins under my fingernails than set foot inside of there.

When Pizza Hut finally decided to entire the 1990’s and add an online store to their site, I was thrilled. Though my local Pizza Hut is not run much better, at least it gave me a choice and some competition, especially for price.

Though it has been up for a while, I don’t order pizza that often and finally got the chance to give it a try last night. Off the bat, Pizza Hut did everything right. They enticed me with a good deal, lured me to register for the site and even got my information.

The only thing they botched was actually giving me the deal I had clicked on, causing me to leave the site in a huff of anger and a strange hunger for McDonalds.

What happened? Well, let me explain. Read more

Derek Flint: The Ultimate “Bond”

In the mid 60s, the Bond movies were starting to gain traction. With Sean Connery playing the role, the entire world was becoming enamored with 007, his gadgets, his witty remarks and his way with the ladies.

But while James Bond himself might have always been a borderline case of self parody, especially with his one-liners, it was a pair of movies that took that sense of humor to a natural new height. “Our Man Flint” and “In Like Flint”, also known as the “Flint” movies, lampooned Bond not through silly gags or fart jokes, but by simply being more “Bond” than 007 could ever hope to be.

If Bond has a “Bond Babe” then Flint has a dozen. If Bond is a black belt then Flint is a master of a dozen martial arts. If Bond speaks four languages, Flint speaks every single one and can talk to dolphins to boot (thus making him part Aquaman too, I suppose).

Flints movies were not action movies nor were they outright parodies, they were a strange hybrid of the two, meant to be both funny and totally awesome at the same time. Though self-aware and self-depreciating, it was still almost suave enough to pass as an actual comic book spy romp.

The Flint movies, much like their title character, is hard to nail down and define, but simply too cool to turn away from. Read more

The Best Anti-Christmas Tracks 2008

It is that time of year again. The holiday season has been in full swing for about two weeks and, with another two to go, most mortals are already feeling the pinch of holiday burn out.

A well-known Grinch, the same people who shun me the weekend after Black Friday suddenly line up at my non-existent door. My anti-Christmas CD, an annual tradition in my house, becomes a source of solace. My expertise in the music that lampoons the holidays comes into high(er) demand. Whether one genuinely hate the holidays or simply needs to vent some frustration, it seems I’m the person they turn to.

But what are the best songs for feeding your holiday angst? Well… it all depends on what you’re looking for. Here are some of my current pics in way I break them down. Read more

MailPlane: Not Worth the Price

I have a bit of a saying. If you write good software and charge a fair price for it, people will pay. I routinely buy software for my Mac, including programs that I may or may not use over the long haul.

However, one program I recently started to use, or rather, am starting to use again, has put me in a bit of a bind.

You see, even though Mailplane is a great program that does exactly what it advertises and is very polite with my system resources, I simply cannot justify the expense.

However, I’m not some cheapskate that refuses to buy software. I am a happy customer that just dropped $100 for Screenflow, and $20 for Gyazmail (though I have since stopped using it full-time). I’m the type of customer Mac software vendors love, a small business admin with a decent-sized PayPal account and lots of discretion to buy software I need.

Still, I can’t see myself spending $25 for Mailplane. The reason is that the price point is horribly wrong and $25, though reasonable for other applications, is far too high for this app. Read more

The Logic of Captain Planet

There aren’t that many iconic cartoons from the early 90s. For most, the 80s were the heyday of kids cartoons and by the time Ted Turner had created Captain Planet, most of those series had long since gone the way of the dodo.

However, there is little doubt that Captain Planet was an icon unto himself. In addition to teaching kids about how classy one could look with a green mullet, it had a higher purpose, to teach the youth of the world about the environment and where to put their recyclables.

Today, it is hard to think of a series more routinely lampooned than Captain Planet and the reasons go far beyond the camp and cheese that came with it. No, despite our fond memories of the Captain, this series was pretty inane, even for a 30-minute PSA on the environment. Read more