Mardi Gras Monday: Beads

photo credit: DoctorWho

Truthfully, I’ve been loathing this article. Keeping this site-family friendly and discussing an item so rightfully associated with very adult activity is a challenge.

So, rather than discuss what one does with them, which is a very personal choice, I’m going to talk about what they are and where you can get them. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

So this brings us around to the main question: What are beads? Beads are strands of cheap plastic spheres and shapes strung around a thin cord. They come in all colors and are typically worn during carnival season that you can find them pretty much year-around on weekends in the French Quarter.

So where do you get them and how do you know which are the best? Those questions aren’t nearly as simple.

Where to Get Free Beads

Bead education is so important in the city that, if we had a citizenship test, almost certainly a few bead-related questions would be on it. Nearly every attic and closet in New Orleans is stuffed with beads and most locals describe their collection as an ever-growing one.

The reason is that, every Carnival season, we go to our favorite parades, visit the French Quarter or attend parties and we get more. It’s a love/hate relationship. We make jokes about the beads causing the city to sink and complain about how many we have but, at the same time, we always seem to catch more at the parades and even buy ones we like at stores. They’re the butt of jokes and a source of near-endless fascination for most locals.

But, if you don’t have an attic-busting supply already, where do you get some? The simplest answer is to do like the locals and go to parades. If you go to the parades, for the most part, you’ll be ducking the dammed things.

The truth is that, if you want a lot of beads at Mardi Gras, the parades are far and away the best way to go. Bring a few backpacks, find a good spot and collect away. It’s easy. Without moving a single inch you can literally collect hundreds of pounds of beads over the course of the busiest days.

The catch is that you don’t get much choice in what beads you get. Most of them are going to be pretty basic throws and there is going to be little consistency. On the other hand. some parades do also throw some very nice beads and you get the chance to catch other throws such as dubloons, spears, etc.

In short, when that woman you know comes back from Mardi Gras with a trunk full of beads and everyone asks slyly what she did to get them. If she says go to the parades, she’s probably not lying.

Where to Buy Beads

If you want more control over your beads or you don’t want to stand around a parade route for hours on end, you’re going to have to buy them. Fortunately, there are a lot of good places to do so.

The best bet, in general, is the stores outside the city. As a general rule, the farther away you get from the city, the less you’ll pay. If you’re already in New Orleans, there are several stores along I-10 in Slidell, about thirty to forty minutes east of downtown, across the bridges, that offer great selections and good prices. These are great to hit as you come into the city if you are driving in from the east as you literally can not miss them.

There are also some as you go out toward the west in Metairie and Kenner, those being on Veteran’s Blvd. for the most part.

The closest place, however, is across the river on the Westbank, there is a Mardi Gras shop along the elevated expressway that offers pretty good prices and a decent selection. Though it may not be able to trump the places in Slidell (or in Metaire) in either department, for those needing something on short order, it’s a good bet.

The main thing to remember though is that the shops in the French Quarter and CBD are rip offs. They might offer decent deals on individual beads, but their deals on dozens and any quantity are a total wash. If you find yourself absolutely having to buy some in the Quarter, go down to Decatur street, near the river, and buy from those shops. The stores tend to be a bit larger and the prices are better.

Determining Quality

Beads are not like diamonds. There is no set scale for determining which bead will be preferred over another. A big part of that is because much of that is personal opinion and sentiment. The other reason is because no one bothered, until today…

When considering which beads to buy or when determining which to keep from a parade, remember the completely made up word “CLUM”:

• Circumference: The diameter of the bead is the single most important factor for determining how much it is worth. Regular throws may have an quarter inch bead where some of the ones you can buy can go up to many inches on the largest bead. The bigger around the beads, the more appealing they are, the more they cost and, the biggest drawback, the fewer you can carry.
• Length: The longer the bead, the more valuable it is. The shortest beads are 33 inches, which is barely enough to get over your head without a clasp, but they can go to 92 inches and longer.
• Uniqueness: If a bead is rare, it is worth more. It can be hard to tell which beads meet that qualification and it can change from year to year depending on what is trendy. But if you buy your beads at the shops away from the Quarter, you’ll likely have some that those who never left downtown won’t recognize. Look for beads that had different colors (not Mardi Gras colors or white), are in unusual shapes, light up and generally look different than everything else.
• Medallion: A lot of beads have some kind of medallion(s) hanging from it. Some include traditional Mardi Gras items such as masks or krewe logos, others can be anything from food items to alligators and even “adult” items. The better the medallion, typically the better the bead.

The CLUM is roughly in the order of the importance of each item. However, if you get a bead that is VERY unique or has a great medallion, such as the musical ones some parades throw, you’ll want to hang onto it.

Obviously though, the key is that you’re going to want to get and keep the beads that look the best to you. The options are literally limitless and I’m sure you’ll find some beads that, though not particularly valuable to others, might mean a great deal to you.

After all, beads are like anything else in the world, sometimes a memory and a good story far exceeds the traditional value of the item.

Some Basic Tips

Real fast, here are some tips and tricks for dealing with beads:

• Storage and transport: Beads are like Christmas lights in that they have a magic ability to form huge knots. If you are going to have a lot of beads, metal shower curtain rings (the kind that look like a pear or teardrop) are your best friends. The make it easy to store and transport without the risk of them becoming a huge ball of plastic.
• Bead Repair: If you have a bead that you like break, you can likely fix it by twisting the broken ends together and fusing them with a cigarette lighter. You can melt the plastic beads like metal with a blow torch and fuse them together. Though it’s not worth doing for most strands, but definitely something to keep in mind.
• Bead Disposal: If you have a bunch of beads you don’t want, throwing them out doesn’t make a great deal of sense. There are several great ways you can get rid of them. First off, taking them to retirement homes near Mardi Gras time is a great way to help them decorate and bring a smile to senior citizens (I get rid of most of my beads this way as my mother in law works for Hospice). Also, there are impromptu parades where locals and other with too many beads throw them to tourists. Along those lines, you can always try giving them away if you’re not in the area, after all, outside of the city, most people don’t have a closet full of them. Finally, there are recycling programs for beads in the gulf coast area.

In short, there are a lot of ways to help prevent your bead collection from becoming a mangled mess of broken strands. If you want to cherish them, or at least avoid throwing them out, it’s worth the time to plan for it.

Bottom Line

Beads are a lot of fun. Though they have a risque reputation there isn’t such a strong stigma in the city. Children love them, parents collect them and everyone has at least some. When you can scoop them up by the fistful on the street, they lose some of their stigma.

The reputation is one that exists mostly outside of the city and there is nothing more harmless and innocent than coming home after the parades and seeing what all you got.

No matter what your goals are though, it pays to understand the fundamentals of Mardi Gras beads. It’ll help you get the better deals and keep your luggage from bursting a the seams.