Haunt Review: The Mortuary

The Mortuary is the anti-thesis to the previously-reviewed Camber of Horrors. Where the CoH is a low-budget, high-heart affair, The Mortuary is a high-budget, low-heart one.

You can tell from the second you drive by the two-story buildings with its large columns and lighted facade that you entering into a haunt that has spent a great deal of money on their setup. As you tour through their winding corridors and narrow hallways, that belief is reaffirmed with their high-end animatronics and decorations.

This haunt cost a lot of money and it shows. However, money can not buy a great haunted house experience, only the toys to build it with. The question for The Mortuary isn’t whether they have neat stuff, but what they did with it.

It’s a tough question with a rather complicated answer.

Some Opening Caveats

I have to start out this review with a pair of caveats. I went to The Mortuary on November 8, the final day it was to be open for the 2008 season. This changed the experience in two important ways.

First, it means that the actors are tired and drained from a long season, thus, I have to give them a bit of a break. Second, it was a “flashlight” night, where the only light was from fingerlights worn by the patrons, thus making it easier to scare and longer to walk through.

However, it also means that I was unable to get as close of a look at many of the parts that I wanted, so I have to score this review based upon the experience that I had and what I did see.

As you read through the rest of this review, keep those things in mind.

What It Is

The Mortuary is something of a controversial haunt in the city. Housed in an actual mortuary, complete with its own graveyard, the building itself is supposedly haunted by real ghosts (though I suspect any ghosts would have long since been annoyed into leaving early in the season).

The haunt has been protested by many in its area and, supposedly, has a tenuous relationship with the city itself. Much of this is rumor, but it fits what I know about New Orleans.

The haunt is a small-group free-roam haunt, at least on the night we went, but it supposedly does use the conga-line style on busier nights. The cost of going through the haunt is $20, slightly over the $18 that most people pay for House of Shock and it takes about 12 minutes to go through, at least on flashlight night.

Beyond its history and backround it is a fairly straightforward attraction sending customers roaming from scene to scene with actors scaring customer and modest use of props and animatronics.

The Good

For the most part, the haunt itself looks great. Starting in waiting area fit for Home and Gardens magazine and then winding through a series of scenes that range from pirates to mummies to crazed doctors.

The props are great, the scenes are well designed and the attention to detail throughout is great. Though there are a few places that seemed oddly bare, the actual sections of the haunt were built masterfully and there was lots to look at and do.

The haunt itself was very atmospheric and only broke its illusion a few times in the walkthrough. Though there were still a few places I could see behind the scenes without trying, obvious mistakes were kept to a minimum and, overall, it was disorienting and creepy.

All in all, though it was a short walkthrough, it felt like a lot longer and made for an overall satisfying experience.

What Didn’t Work

Though the haunt itself was, overall, fairly solid, there was a lot in the execution I found fault in.

First, the wait in line to go in the haunt was excruciating. Though we were there on a relatively slow night by all accounts, we waited over 40 minutes to go in. Though they sell VIP passes that let you skip the line for ten dollars more, the tactic, to me, seems to be both greedy and disrespectful to paying customers that purchased regular tickets.

Second, the $30 VIP ticket price seemed especially egregious when the $20 price tag for regular tickets still felt like too much. Though they have the right to charge more than CoH, it is not worth twice the amount. When consider that House of Shock is less money (with coupon) and comes with a stage show, side show and a longer walkthrough, it seems like an outright rip off.

However, the walkthrough might have been longer if it hadn’t been for the fact that the actors in the haunt were constantly trying to rush the crowds through. After spending $20 and waiting in line for nearly an hour, you were hurried through the haunt, yelled at if you stopped to look at anything for longer than a second. In part because of this, large parts of the haunt are still a blur.

But the actors and staff seemed to be the weakest link. Though I have to cut them a large break since it was their last night at the end of a long season, it definitely seemed as if they were both short staffed and as if the ones that were there were just phoning it in. A few actors did great jobs, but many simply did nothing other than stand there, and it seemed security outnumbered costumed actors.

Once again, perhaps different on another night, but it really hurt the experience when I went through.

Bottom Line

There is a lot to like about this haunt. The attention to detail is great and the haunt itself does a good job with atmosphere and general spookiness. However, insanely-long wait times and queue-jumping VIPs are a prelude to a rushed and, all in all, unmemorable haunt.

A few points do stick out in my mind, such as the beautiful seductresses in the chain link fence room and the weak chainsaw scare at the end but most of it blurs together quickly.

All in all, his is another haunt trying to be the House of Shock but with a higher price tag, shorter walkthrough and weaker actors. It’s a good haunt, but not $20 and 40-minute wait good.

If you’re into the ultra-high-end haunts with big budget props, go to either the House of Shock or head to Baton Rouge and the 13th Gate. It you like lower-budget haunts with lots of heart, head to the CoH.

There are simply better deals for your haunt time and money to be found.

Rating

7/10

Note: I am loathe to do ratings on reviews in general because it can be impossible sum up a complex series of opinions in a number. This is especially true with haunted attractions as your enjoyment of the haunt will depend almost exclusively on what it is you seek. Your mileage will always vary.

Location

The Mortuary is located at 4200 Canal Blvd. near North Clairborne Ave.