Inelegant Solutions

As someone who enjoys going to and building haunted houses, I’ll be the first to say that the creative capital of the industry is running extremely low.

Currently, there seems to be just two kinds of haunted houses. The first are over-capitalized ones that have a budget that rivals a Hollywood movie. They spend all of their money on sets and animatronics and seem to forget about the scares. Coupled with high admission prices and long lines, they seem to disappoint every time.

The other kind is the low-budget haunt, usually done for charity. These tend to be more laser-focused on getting the scares. Staffed by volunteers, they spend every hour and every precious dollar on making the haunt scarier. Sometimes they’re great, the best being one I went to at a county fair many years ago, but usually the lack of experience or thought shows through. Though these haunts try hard, they quickly give into cliches as the lack of great planning takes over.

As someone who’s haunt budget barely breaks four digits, I can’t afford misses. In a small haunt with tight dollars, if a scare misses you might not get another good chance. Thus, I have to avoid cliches and expired ideas.

What are the worst of the worst? Well, that list is below.

5. Drop Walls

What is it: These are panels cut out of seemingly solid walls that can come out and slam down creating a loud bang and exposing a monster or other actor behind it. Sometimes they are executed as fake paintings.

Why it Fails: In reality, these can actually be great. Drop walls, when done correctly, provide a perfect “Startle then Scare” that can really get people jumping. I use them in nearly every haunt I build. The problem is how they are used. Many haunts over use them, I counted over 30 in one 15-minute haunt, and others don’t hide them adequately. Once the joke becomes predictable, it’s gone. Furthermore, many cripple the effect of the wall by building them weak, reducing the noise and the surprise.

How it Can Be Saved: The secret is simple, use them sparingly. No haunt of mine has more than two or three. Second, hide them very well, keep them out of the direct line of sight (hit from the sides) and don’t use paintings or anything obvious. There are many other ways to mask these and they should be explored. Finally, build these heavy and loud, gravity is your friend, and only have strong actors use them.

4. The Maze

What is it: A series of halls with no clear exit and a series of dead ends. May or may not contain “maze monsters”.

Why it Fails: Where does one begin here? First, they are an insurance nightmare, a fire hazard and a big part of the reason people don’t go through a haunt twice. Mazes don’t actually scare anyone, they just frustrate people and make them mad. Monsters in the maze are likely to get punched (I’ve seen it happen many times) and it creates an operational nightmare as you have to periodically go through and clear out the people who got lost.

How it Can Be Saved: The secret is to get people disoriented without getting them actually lost. Include lots of twists and turns in your haunt and keep people guessing which way they are heading. However, always make it clear where “forward” is. Since any fear that does come from a maze is through the disorientation and feeling trapped, if you can create those illusions without actually getting people lost, you’re much better off.

3. Animatronics

What they are: These are props that move and shake on their own. They range from simple ones that can be purchased at Halloween stores or very complex and elaborate ones that must be ordered online.

Why they Fail: This has been a trickle-down problem. It started with the “rich” haunts and, as the price of animatronics have dropped, we’re now seeing them in charity haunts and even in some home haunts. The problem is that they never really scared anyone at the big haunts and they work even less well at the cheaper ones. I’ve never seen a scare done by an animatronic that a human could not have done better with.

How they Can Be Saved: Animatronics are great… as distractions. If you see one in my haunt you should probably look behind you. A cheap moving thing is a great way to direct people’s attention or lull them into a false sense of security. However, using them as main scares is always a bad idea. They can’t adapt to the audience and they still cost a fortune compared to what you could buy in its place.

2. Horror Movie Characters

What they are: Actors in the haunt dress up as recognizable characters from famous horror movies and often re-enact well-known scenes from their films.

Why they Fail: Forgetting about potential copyright issues for a moment, these scenes are familiar and understood to be fiction. You can’t scare someone with with something they already know. Worst of all though, these are the pinnacle if anti-creativity and I wince at any haunt that has even one of these character roaming around.

How they Can Be Saved: Realistically, they can’t. We’ve done spoofs where we mount such heads on the wall of our haunt but never used the characters for scares. It takes only a few minutes to create a semi-believable story and even less time to tell it to your visitors. Surround them with something new and unknown, makes it easier to scare them. However, at least don’t cheat when coming up with your ideas, it shows.

1. Chainsaws

What is it: A masked character comes at the audience with a chainsaw that has had the blade removed. This is supposed to scare the Hell out of the audience forcing them to move into the next part of the haunt.

Why it Fails: Overuse. We’ve all seen it done a dozen times before. We know that the chain has been removed. Even the most easily scared haunt-goers don’t fall for this one. The other problem is that it is hard to get the element of surprise with this as the “put put put” of the gas chainsaw is usually a dead giveaway. Most people simply stroll away from this character to avoid having their personal space invaded.

How it Can Be Saved: Some haunts have started using electric chainsaws so they can use them inside without fumes being an issue and to help with the element of surprise. Unfortunately, electric chainsaws sound more like a moped than a V8 engine. This bit can be used to clear customers out of a haunt at the very end, but otherwise is just a nuisance. Most likely, this is one best skipped completely.

Note: The 13th Gate, image at the top, is actually a pretty cool haunted house in Baton Rouge, LA. You should check it out if you are in the area.